Monday, May 9, 2016

Depression


I took a bit of a blogging break, the longest break since I started blogging! It wasn't something I had planned, but after sharing with everyone that I was depressed and taking the steps to overcome it I really had to focus on taking care of myself.

Depression is an interesting thing. It's something I have struggled with on and off since I was 13 years old. In the past there was always something that triggered my depression. I can look back and tell you the final event that tipped the scale to full-fledged depression: my father not getting paroled, my mom having a baby, a miscarriage, and death of a family member. But this time, this time was different. There was no event, no straw that broke the camel's back. If I'm honest with myself I've slowly been sinking further and further into depression for the last several months, but I only realize that now looking back. 

It started off with just irritability. Everything irritated me, especially anything Daniel did. My irritation soon spread to Landry. Her cute quirks and toddler ways no longer left me laughing, instead they were met with huffs and sighs. I kept telling myself I just needed a break, it was just part of being a stay-at-home mom.

Eventually the symptoms I typically associate with depression started rearing their ugly head. Crying easily, feeling alone, exhaustion, and not enjoying daily activities became the norm. Again I told myself I just needed a break, I just needed to get more sleep then I would be fine.  

Well I got that break, 5 days without Landry. 5 days where I could sleep in and just have fun with my husband. And honestly I didn't enjoy it. When we came home I realize that things were not ok and something I had to change. 

I've been back on Prozac for almost 3 weeks and today I noticed I am feeling more like myself. I respond to Landry's tantrums with more patience and I genuinely knew I was going to miss Daniel when he left for Mexico this morning. I look forward to getting together with friends and our daily routine. And I finally back to feeling so grateful for this life and family I have instead of feeling burdened. 

Depression does a great job at stealing your joy, at taking your beautiful life and distorting it into something ugly. But you can fight it! There are therapists, medicine, and your friends and family. It is work but it is work that is so worth the effort. 

1 comments:

  1. I am SO thankful that you are coming out of this depression and SO thankful that the medication is helping. Sometimes, depression is not situational but a chemical imbalance in the brain which may be that with which you are dealing. Will be praying that you will continue to improve! Love and miss you, sweetie!

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