Monday, November 16, 2015

Crazy, Messy, Beautiful


Whoah... unexpected blogging break last week. Last week was a tough one. In all honesty life has felt a little harder than normal since coming back from vacation 3 weeks ago. Landry's sleep has been all over the place which in turn means our sleep has been all over the place. Daniel has dealt with the lack of sleep pretty well, me on the other hand... not so much. Sleep is so important to my well-being, the times in my life I have struggled with depression usually have coincided with me not prioritizing my sleep. Landry and I have also both been sick in one way or another since vacation which doesn't help matters. Throw in world crises, pain and suffering of others and you have yourself a nice little breeding ground of heaviness for a person who has a tendency to feel too much.

So this week I laid a little low and tried to just survive. 6 months ago I would have said I was beginning to thrive in motherhood but God has a funny sense of humor and has decided to remind me that I don't have everything under control, that I never did. I am not the perfect parent for Landry and never will be. Instead he is teaching me that he is indeed enough (for Daniel, Landry, and I) and that he will help guide me through this crazy world of parenthood. In church yesterday the sermon discussed three types of prayers we pray "Help, Thanks, and Oh Well". Help being pretty obvious, asking God to aid us in our time of need. Thanks being praising God for what he has done and showing our gratitude. And finally oh well which is a prayer that is essentially saying nothing is going as planned but "oh well". Because life is crazy, messy, and beautiful most of our prayers are composed of all three.

The sermon really echoed how I feel about this season of our little family's life right now. There are so many good things happening in our little family, so many mind-blowing, can't believe this is happening things. Things that I can tell are only happening because of the crazy plan God has for our lives and his grace and mercy. But then, then there are things that leave us drained and isolated and feeling so alone. I guess you really do take the good with the bad and then you have the facts of life (good show!). I think that is part of growing up. Realizing you can't wait for that moment in your life where everything is perfect because it doesn't exist. There will never be a point in time where everything is going exactly as you have envisioned or happily. Even if your own family isn't dealing with trials and tribulations there will be something going on in the world at large that will weigh so heavy on your heart. Instead of dwelling on the bad and letting it be a constant dark cloud hanging over, you learn that there will be those dark days but the sun is still there. There will be those hard weeks and months and by god, maybe even years. But there will be sprinkles of happiness and joy through those times. Cling to those moments because they will be what push you to keep going on. They will be your life-raft in a wild, tumultuous ocean.

So with this week ahead, in the face of my personal struggles, our chaotic family, and the suffering in the world, I promise to not make camp in this heavy feeling. I promise to acknowledge it's existence, but to see there is hope and there are still so much good.

2 comments:

  1. I wish we could sit down and have a cup of coffee. Sounds like I am right there with you, my friend!!

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    Replies
    1. That would be so nice! Prayers for you my friend!

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