Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Vulnerability


During TxSC I attended a workshop led by Tieka of Selective Potential and Carli of Inked Fingers on vulnerability. They discussed being vulnerable in writing your blog. It motivated me to continue to write posts that are more than updates on Landry and the best baby products (not that I don't also love writing those posts). I enjoy writing posts that reveal my story and how I truly feel even if it is scary to write them.

As with much of TxSC, the lessons learned in that workshop also translated well into my life. Most people would think I have no problem with being vulnerable in real life because I cry at the drop of a hat. But for me crying doesn't not make me feel vulnerable.

For me being overly kind to others makes me feel vulnerable. I know that probably sounds strange... let me explain. Through out high school I was a really nice and sweet girl. I vividly remember in one of my classes we all taped a piece of paper on our backs and then had to go around and write what we thought of the other people in class (of course nothing mean). Almost every word on my paper was "Sweet". That seems like a great thing, right? Unfortunately for the beginning portion of my high school career I was so "nice" and "sweet" that I got walked all over. I remember my freshmen year my "friends" started talking bad about a girl named Debbie. They would say "Debbie's so fat. Debbie's so ugly. Debbie's so stupid." Well it didn't take a genius to figure out that Debbie was me. I finally got one of the girls to admit they were using a code name to talk bad about me in front of my face.

I don't tell you that story for you to feel bad for me. But overtime I started associating being kind, sweet, and unassuming to equal being treated like crap. I started putting up a guard and keeping the majority of people at arms length even if they didn't realize it. I did not want to go above and beyond to show people I cared because they could just use that to hurt me. I did not want to be vulnerable.

Since becoming a mom I feel like I am finally opening myself back up to being vulnerable. Elizabeth Stone said "Making the decision to have a child...  is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." That's the ultimate vulnerability.

I do not want my daughter to grow up thinking that by being kind and sweet that she will always end up getting hurt. I want her to see how vulnerability can help develop lasting, authentic relationship. So in an effort to do better at being vulnerable I have started telling people how much I admire them. I have started encouraging others more, complimenting them more. Words of affirmation are so important to me so why am I not sharing the love with others?

What areas do you need to work on being more vulnerable? What are you scared of being vulnerable about? 


1 comments:

Well Hello there! Let's continue the conversation...