Wednesday, March 25, 2015

The Fog


As long as I can remember I have dreamed of the day I would be a mom. Specifically the day I would have a daughter and be the mom I wish I would have had as a child. After 2 miscarriages I finally saw my dream come to fruition on July 31, 2014 as I held my baby girl. She was everything I had ever wanted. And then my other dream came true on October 24, 2014 when I began my new job as a stay-at-home mom.

Since then everything has been perfect. End of story (sarcasm). 

Those first few months are almost a haze at this point. I spent so much time and energy on my daughter. Every thing was about her and she was not only my number one priority but my only priority. Was she eating enough? Too much? Would we ever figure out a nap schedule? Am I talking to her enough? Is she getting enough tummy time? Is she happy? 

I was in survival mode. I couldn't see through this dense Landry fog. I wanted so bad to have a daughter and be the perfect mom and do everything exactly right that everything else was pushed to the side. Instead of figuring out my marriage in this new stage I was pushing it to the side. Instead of figuring out how to dress my new body I was just throwing on yoga pants and baggy clothes. Instead of actually enjoying my daughter I was worrying and obsessing. 

7 and a half months later I am finally emerging from my new mom fog. I feel like I now exist outside of being a mom. Being a mother is still one of my greatest gifts but it is not all I am.

I am a wife, I am a daughter, I am a friend. But even more importantly, I am Brittany. I am a girl that loves belting songs out at the top of my lungs while driving or showering. I am a girl that enjoys reading, watching Grey's Anatomy, writing. I enjoy putting together cute outfits. It is ok for me to have hobbies and interests. It is ok for me to make myself a priority. By doing so I will actually be a better wife and mother!

I feel like spring has sprung inside my soul. The changing of seasons really marks the changing of my life. I have a renewed passion for life and a new enjoyment. I am so excited about what this new stage holds. 

10 comments:

  1. yes, yes, yes and YES! girl! you just get me. the fog has grasping tendrils that grab at you, but it is so wonderful to be on the other side.

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    1. It feels like a whole new world (to quote Aladdin) on the other side of the fog. I really do feel like I can enjoy being a mother. I have loved my daughter and felt bonded from the start but I finally feel like I can enjoy her plus enjoy other things. I am so glad I am not alone in this feeling!

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  2. Yesssss! My sister had her first child about a year and a half ago, and I try to impress this upon her too - you HAVE to take some time yourself occasionally and put yourself first, because otherwise you can't be the best mom you can be.

    Happy to have met you and to see you staying true to Brittany!

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    1. It was great to meet you Mallory! And taking time for yourself is sooooo important, whether you are a mom or not. Women in general struggle with making themselves a priority!

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  3. I love this! It took me a LONG time to realize that it was still okay to be me after I became a mom. In fact, there are still days that I struggle with this (oh, mom guilt, such fun you are!). It is SO important that we don't lose sight of ourselves, we cannot give to others if our own cup is empty!

    Thank you for sharing with us at #MommyMeetupMondays! Hope to see you again next week!

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    1. Mom guilt just amplifies everything! And I love that "we cannot give to other if our own cup is empty". It's so true!

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  4. I am glad you are coming out of your fog! I think we all go through that - especially with our first child. I love how you point out that you will be a better mom if you don't lose yourself. That is so so true!!

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    1. Thank you Natasha! It is so nice to be able to stop and see the world outside of just my daughter (even though she is amazing).

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  5. I remember the day I came out of the fog and let me tell you, motherhood is even better than I had imagined since. Good for you for getting to where you are in your own time. All the best to you mama and thank you for sharing at #MommyMeetUpMondays.

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    1. Jules, you are so right! Motherhood is so much more enjoyable now than before. It feels less like a burden!

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