Tuesday, March 17, 2015

A Baby Changes Everything

Two clueless soon-to-be parents. What I wish I could tell them now! 

It's common sense that having a baby will change everything. Daniel and I talked about how it would change our marriage, but I don't think anything could have truly prepared us for the impact Landry would have.

In some ways I love Daniel in such a new way. Seeing him with Landry, him as a dad, it gives me a whole new level to love him. It's almost like loving a new version of him. But at the same time, it's like having to learn to love a new version of him and him me. 

I am not saying our marriage was perfect pre-baby. Our first year of marriage was rough. I would go as far as to say possibly miserable. Sometimes looking back I don't even know if we liked each other that first year. Daniel was working a full-time job and going to grad school full-time. I was finishing my undergrad and working as a part-time manager in retail. We were leading seperate lives. I was still a college kid and, well, Daniel wasn't even a college kid when he was in college. He always been a mature responsible grown up. 

Praise the Lord but every year had gotten better. I grew up, Daniel chilled out. The year before Landry was born I really feel like we hit our stride as a couple. We had hobbies together, we enjoyed our time together, fights were minimal and easily gotten over. But a baby changes everything. Becoming a stay-at-home mom changes everything. We haven't hit our stride yet as parents. I feel like I am coming into my own as a mom and Daniel too with being a dad. However, in our new roles as parents together, we haven't figured it out.

I feel like we don't have fun together anymore and I feel like a lot of that is my fault. When Daniel gets home from work I am exhausted. By the time we put Landry down for bed I'm done for the day.

I also know that I am hard on Daniel. I expect him to be the kind of parent I am, to know Landry the way I do, to do things the way I would. Rationally, I know that is crazy! We are different people, our relationship with Landry will look different, some of the things we do will be different. But I guess when you spend 24/7 with your child you assume you know best and there isn't a different way to do things.

I guess what I am saying is this season in our relationship isn't an easy one. It's work, it's exhausting. But I have to keep reminding myself it is a time of growth and change. The last few days has showed me that we are truly adjusting to this season of our relationship. We are learning how to better communicate, handle each other as "mom" and "dad". It is taking effort, it is taking work. It is taking both of us having to practice patience and learn to tell each other how we are feeling. We're doing it though. And I know in the end we will look back on this season of our marriage and be proud of where we came from.


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